Where I begin a new life...

This summer, I managed to lose a large part of my life's work, my ministry to the world. It's been a summer of ups and downs, magnificent life-changing highs, lows that kept me in bed with raging headaches all day. This week, the future is looking positive again, and while I'm walking around a bit dazed by my recent spate of good news, I am feeling better about myself, my ability to care for my three beautiful daughters as a single mom, and the understanding that life really does present us with opportunities, when we have enough wit to recognize those opportunities as they peek around a blind corner at us.

I lost my job at the beginning of the summer. It was a difficult life lesson. I thought I had a calling as a religious educator for a Unitarian Universalist congregation, but I wasn't what my last congregation wanted. It was a demoralizing experience. It removed just about every shred of my self-confidence, at a time when I needed to hang onto every shred that I could. I'm also in the middle of a divorce of an 18-year marriage, and have three beautiful daughters in my care.

Just to make sure that I learned my lesson well, the universe decided to not give me anything easily. The two amazing jobs that I thought would be perfect for me were not offered to me. In both situations, there were other people more qualified than me. How could that be? I'm 49 years old, I've worked hard all my life, I have some good solid skills and lots of knowledge under my belt, I'm good at sharing my passions and interests with others and helping them see how they can help make the world a little better for us all. Why wouldn't anyone just jump at the chance to offer me a job? How much more demoralizing can life be?

To further complicate things, I couldn't find any work in religious education within commuting distance, and didn't know what else I would be qualified to do. At 49, I was having to think, again, about what I wanted to do when I grew up. I couldn't go back to my original career in information systems - I had been home raising children and working in another field for 11 years, I had no viable skills left and would have to start over in that field, which I couldn't afford. I thought I had enough skills to teach, but didn't have the credentials to get a teaching job in my state, and missed deadlines to take any of the alternate routes to teaching, because I didn't know I was losing my job in time. I like to write, and even have editing experience, but how to break into that field without actual job experience?

While trying to do a realistic evaluation of my skills and interests and abilities, I realized that the parts of my last job as religious educator that brought me the most satisfaction were the times when I was actually able to work with children and youth. I was most engaged when working with children about how to live in right relations in our world, how to work toward making our world better, for us, for others, for the planet itself. Somehow, I needed to be able to continue to work with children, to engage their curiosity, to encourage them in their efforts to become incredible human beings. Teaching seemed a natural choice, but I didn't have the right paperwork qualifications to get a job. What next?

Well, the message I am taking, in the end, from this summer of panic and loss is that I need to learn more. And so the universe has provided, in an opportunity that has taken my breathe away, left me stunned and reeling in amazement at my good fortune. I am offered an opportunity to attend university, on vouchers that will cover my entire tuition, at graduate school level. I will be able to keep my unemployment benefits, as part of a retraining package. Next May, I will walk away with teaching credentials, highly qualified, and be 2/3 of the way through a Master of Arts in Teaching degree. I can't quite wrap my mind around my good fortune.

So I'm starting this blog to take you, dear reader, through this amazing journey with me, as I go back to graduate school after more than 20 years. As a single mom, too. With a heavy load of 11 credits each semester, plus the need to substitute teach or do some freelance writing for extra income, because in New Jersey, unemployment benefits are barely going to cover rent, utilities, and food. And I'm thinking about how high fuel prices are already, and the draft old farmhouse that we're renting, and how much I'll have to pay for heating this coming winter. eek.