Ministry to Others

Over the last few weeks, I entered into one of the most challenging self-reflective periods of my life. It was a required exercise, part of a structured discussion within a covenant group.

We were asked to look at our ministry to others: how we live our values, how we affect others. I found that the exercise had a profound impact on me.

What a surprise, at the onset, to find how difficult it was for me to even ask for feedback from friends. I was to ask someone(s) I trusted how I had affected their lives, how they saw me living my values. I was nervous about making that request. What if they didn’t see me living any values? What if I hadn’t had an effect on their lives, what if I hadn’t made any difference at all?

It’s funny. Making a difference in the world has been of primary importance in my life, from some of my earliest memories. I can think all the way back to Kindergarten, as a four-year-old, just starting school. I walked into a situation where several classmates were teasing one other, mocking him for looking like a chimpanzee. Now I admit that the poor child had the most prominent ears that I’ve ever seen, before or since. But that still was not a reason to tease him about his unfortunate ear shape, especially not in such a cruel way. And tears in a child are always a sign that teasing has gone too far and should be stopped immediately. Even a four-year-old knows that.

I can’t remember what, if anything, I did to help in the immediate situation. I do remember coming home to cry with my mother about how unfair it was. I can remember resolving to not let it happen again. And that was a start to a resolve to fight injustice in the world that continues to this day.

Asking those questions, “How have I affected your life? How do you see me living out my values?” was a stretch for me. It took me a week to work up enough nerve, first to figure out who I could even ask that would understand the question, and then later, to actually pose the question in an email and click on the send button.

One friend who responded reminded me that direct positive feedback was one of the most effective ways of modeling desired behavior that we know. We had both worked as communication skills instructors, teaching volunteers the skills to ask questions, improve their helping techniques, and resolve conflict. She also admitted that it was something she feared herself, too. “What if they give me feedback about things I want to deny about myself?” This friend then went on to give me some beautiful and direct answers to my questions, as did many others.

The responses left me weeping. Sometimes a small word or gesture has a transformative effect on another, and we have no idea. To be given the opportunity to hear and read that I have made specific and positive differences in the lives of others was a humbling and healing event for me. I recently lost a contract for a job that was ministry to me, a ministry that I believed I was called to do. Losing that contract was a severe blow to my self-confidence, my belief that I could make a difference in someone’s life. Receiving specific feedback from others about how I have made a difference in their lives has helped me recover some of that basic trust in self that I need to survive in this world.

What still remains for me is to find a new way to minister to others. How can I share my passion for righting the wrongs of the world? How can I issue a call to action? How will I now make a difference in the world?