The Worst Fear Ever

Last night, I received the kind of phone call that wrenches your gut, spins your mind into a maelstrom of what if’s, and breaks your heart into a million pieces. A friend called to see if we’d seen her 13-year-old daughter, she wasn’t home. It was past midnight.

We live on property that abuts their property. The daughter, J., used to walk over to see my daughter A. when they were in girl scouts together. The state police and the father and older brother were out searching; the mother was calling everyone she could think of who might have seen J.

As a mother of three daughters, I know that fear. It’s a heart-stopping surreal fear for someone you love more than life itself, and when you don’t know where they are, or what’s happening to them, life as we know it goes into something resembling an Escher painting more than life as before.

This is the kind of situation that challenges us to our very highest self. How do we continue to function without dissolving into constant puddles of tears? How do we not let our fears take over our mind, filling it with negativity and drawing to us the worst of our fears? How can we continue to picture a child returning healthy and safe, when we don’t know where she is, what’s happening to her?

Please join me in envisioning J. safe at home, surrounded by a loving family. And go find your children, hug them, tell them you love them, and surround yourself and your family with visions of safety and joy.

God, make me brave for life: oh, braver than this.
Let me straighten after pain, as a tree straightens after the rain,
Shining and lovely again.
God, make me brave for life; much braver than this.
As the blown grass lifts, let me rise
From sorrow with quiet eyes,
Knowing Thy way is wise.
God, make me brave, life brings
Such blinding things.
Help me to keep my sight;
Help me to see aright
That out of dark comes light.
~ Author Unknown